Fatness
One thing I love about being here is how people laugh when I say my name is Gail and then say “My name is Goodluck,” or something equally as ridiculous. They laugh at my name because is sounds like "Girl." I'm so sick of this predictable response that sometimes I just introduce myself as "Peace Corpse." (The common pronunciation of Peace Corps)

Here’s another quiz: Which of these are actual names given to Tanzanians?

Loveness, Lightness, Gladness, Fatness, Happy, Gift, Wheatness, Kolonel, Urea, Agbert, Toadbert, Gozbert, Cuthbert, Sixbert, Filthbert, and Field Marshall

There are only 3 that I made up. This said, I wouldn’t be surprised to meet a “Fatness,” a “Toadbert,” or a “Filthbert.” It is, in fact, one of my goals to convince a family to name their child “Fatness.” You might think that cruel, but as fatness is a positive trait here, I think it couldn’t hurt.

Then there are some common historical names like: Boutros, Jackson, Adolf and Hitler. (Hitler is my bus conductor.)

Then the names that start out ok, but seem to get confused midway through: Juliethar, Anether, Jimson, Gerson, Glbart. (spelled exactly this way by a 4th grader of mine.)

And finally the names that are actually in Swahili but mean something sad:
Sikujua- I didn’t know
Mengi- A lot
Sijaona- I’ve never seen
Tuombe- Let us pray
Sifai- There’s something wrong with me (literally: I don’t work)
Shida- Issues
Lusungu- Pity
Simtaki- I don’t want him/her
These are just some examples. I've heard an unsubstantiated claim that these names are picked to deter the Devil from wanting to take the children. Others just say that the names are a brutally honest memory of what is going on when the child is born.
The beauty of names here is that people just make them up. Nice for parents, but you can't help but feel bad for poor little Spleenbert and Turdson. My heart goes out to these unfortunate younguns. I just try to give them hope by encouraging them to look forward to the day when they have children of their own.